I think my 4 least favorite days have been Mondays. No matter how good my weekend is, Monday always brings the "joy in Paris" chart to a weekly low. As I trudged to school this morning, I recalled the conversation with a new friend at church the night before in which I declared myself finished with the worst of culture shock. C'est pas vrai. Walking along the cold, grey streets, I was overcome with regrets and empty wishes. Even the smallest dissatisfaction stung hollow and hopeless. My depression increased when my marketing professor told us about the once a year opportunities we could have done that weekend. For example, I missed a techno parade and a tour of the president's home. The fact that I was one of a few in my class to attend la Fête de l'Humanité and paid 5€ instead of the 20€ did not raise my spirits. It was interesting though to hear the communist leaders shout angrily against U.S.'s presence in Palestinian affairs while hundreds of people cheered their approval.

Facebook, blogs, pictures, all these things make it easy for us to portray the good, to let people view only the parts of our lives that are envious. I share this post with you to demonstrate how my life is not all beer and skittles. Weakness, loneliness, fear, uncertainty, remorse. Sometimes, these things consume my heart and plague my mind.
Thank you my dear school friends for that package of letters I received today. If I wasn't depressed before, I am now. Thank you for reminding me that "being free is being ok to struggle and to lean on God in those times."Now I take a deep breath, eat a French casserole with a French couple and a Brazilian, and fall asleep in clean sheets with hope for the new morning.

Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; 

For I trust You;

Teach me the way in which I should walk;

For to you I lift up my soul.

Psalm 143:8